Just a Quiet Moment

Inhale the peace, and exhale the pieces, let go of the hurt and the meekness.

Drop the insults into the bottom of a well, leave them there in the deep , dark and grime..erase what they said from your mind, take your time. No she loves me, he loves me not, let your wellbeing remain on top. Regardless of what anyone says, don’t hold on to that sadness..

Out grown the old habits, make new improvements – it’s ok, you can do this.. When what used to help doesn’t anymore, don’t be tepid to go back to the drawing board.

You’ve changed and we are supposed to, would you expect any less? Find a quiet moment and….

Inhale the peace and exhale the pieces, let go of the hurt and the weakness.

Emotional Wellness is a process

What’s something most people don’t understand?

What is mental health?

Today people use this term much more loosely, but when I was growing up – especially in a black community… it was rarely acknowledged.

My mom used to say “you don’t pay no bills, what you know about being depressed” …she’d say “can’t nobody in here cry and scream but me” …as a result I have conditioned myself to ignore depression, to ignore conflicting feelings. I’m not sure how much you know about it but between us, IGNORING IT DOESN’T HELP! Talk to someone get help, I use my blog as an outlet, go read some of my poetry if you got a sec

– Monae’

Don’t Let me Fail you…

You’re so perfect, hand crafted just for me. I remember your first kicks and steps. I remember your first “say cheese”. I know it’s hard sometimes, to get me to listen , I promise that I’m trying my best here. Each mistake I make , you tell me I’m forgiven, when I yell too loud or I get too rowdy, I just want you to remember underneath all this trauma- lies your mama. I’m in the process of being better for you, I would do it 10x over. If it meant I’d get to hold your hand and walk with you forever – i would pay whatever. My perfect baby boy, I knew right from the start…I love you with my whole scarred, bleeding heart.

Hey God Me again …

I just wanted to say thank you, for everything. I’ve been lost lately and if I’m honest it’s my own fault. I got so caught up in wanting partnership that I lost my covenant with you. The worst part it is it wasn’t hard to fall, but I am having a HELL (pun intended) of a time trying to stand back up and walk with you. The enemy sure knows what buttons to press to get us out of our element- insecurity is a hell* (pun intended again) of a loop hole. But I thank you for covering me in my sin, I thank you that you don’t immediately turn away from me when I struggle, I thank you for welcoming me back with open arms and loads of joy. I thank you that after falling you didn’t take away all of your grace. I’ll admit that it was hard on the other side, everything hurt my feelings, everything made me want to die…what’s up with that??? I thought the world was supposed to be better, I guess spending time walking with you has shown me true peace and honey I tell you what- being over there…. IT SUCKS! It’s HELL!!!!! No satire, I’m fr- it’s burning, painful, skin scorching hell. I felt like I was standing up straight in 10ft of water just – drowning. I thought what I was missing was a man, but if all it takes for my mental capacity to crumble is insecurity then boy oh boy , I’m not ready. Being locked in with Adonai 🔐 is better than any goofy situationship.

I say all of that to say God, I choose you. The world sucks – I just want to walk with you – hear you, feel you, know you, trust you.

Love You.

– yours forever,

Monae L. Jackson

Typed but never sent …

Look it’s not that I don’t love you,

Cause I do.

It’s not that I don’t crave you…

Because I do…

It’s not that my heart doesn’t skip a beat when you enter a room, because it does.

It’s not that there’s no chemistry, because there is…loads and loads of this.

But

Is it enough? I mean, can you talk me down off a ledge? Can you redirect me when I get in my head? You can’t take back the mean things you said, nor can I. We can’t erase the past, the pain…like a white carpet with a massive red stain. Rug on top but it’s still remains…

Looks it’s not that I don’t love you because I do, so so so much. I think my favorite thing about you is your smile, even though you don’t show it as much as I’d prefer. I just think you would for the right one… for her.

It’s things you’ve never done for me, and I don’t hold a grudge- but I know with the right person, you’d do it just because- to see her light up like the sun, you’d complete the right one. You’d clap for her accomplishments, and kiss her on the forehead.

All the things I wanted..

Because I know in my heart, yours doesn’t beat for me, that’s ok. It’s like a puzzle piece we tried but doesn’t fit…we tried hard to force it. Twisted, turned but ultimately it wasn’t enough.

Until the right piece came around and ….yup.

It’s not that I don’t love you because I do….but I don’t want the scraps of you….I don’t want you to settle for me…

Find your right puzzle piece.🧩